Ocean Dreamer

I haven’t written on here much about my experiences at my grad school, mostly because they have been rather difficult and I haven’t wanted this blog to turn into a place for me to complain about things.  For much of the past quarter, however, I have experienced a lot of homophobia and ablism by many of the school’s professors and administrators.

At the beginning of the year, the program director refused to help me ensure that I had food to eat (I’m gluten-free) at a required retreat.  She literally told me that “they’ll have vegetables and you can eat that.”  Um, hello, I can not eat just vegetables for two days.  I have no problem eating the same meal for a couple of days (not ideal, but I know kitchens are busy places).  However, that meal has to actually be a full meal, not a plate of vegetables.  Not to mention the fact that my diet is covered under the ADA.  After the whole experience, the program director and another prof wanted to meet with me and basically told me they didn’t agree with the way I’d advocated for myself.  Ugh.  Neither of them have food allergies, and unless they do, they have no place telling me how I should be advocating for myself.  I wasn’t rude, I didn’t yell, etc.

The homophobia has been more ongoing.  In general, the message around any sort of queer issues – especially around issues of queers having kids – is “be careful, that’s really controversial.”  WTF, this is Seattle?!?!  Some of the worst was in a social justice class where we were supposed to do a project on a social justice issue.  The prof wanted us to present both sides if it was a controversial issue.  The examples he gave were marriage equality, abortion, and the WASL.  Now, I don’t disagree that same sex marriage is controversial but as far as I’m concerned you can’t have different requirements for different issues: doing so is discriminatory.  So, I decided to say something in class, and here’s how the conversation went:

Me: Could you please clarify what you mean by asking us to present both sides of controversial issues, because it seems to me that all social justice issues are controversial and they wouldn’t be social justice issues if they weren’t, and that by only requiring both sides for certain issues, you’re condoning hate speech against my community.

Prof: Um, well, uh … [then, something about how slavery was not a controversial issue so it would be one where it would be okay to only present one side.  (Now, I'm not going to argue with him about slavery because I don't want to add to the rift that seems to exist between white queer communities and straight people of color communities.  However, it also seems clear that slavery is "controversial" in some areas because it still continues today - that is, obviously there are some people who think it's okay.)]

Me: But you can’t have different requirements …

Another student: What she’s saying is that the other viewpoint is a religious one that’s discriminatory.

Prof: Not everyone agrees with that.

A third student: Yeah, I don’t.

Prof: See?

At that point I got up and walked out of class.  Several students followed me out.  I have never walked out of a class before, never even thought about it.  But staying in that class would have meant condoning his homophobia.

Afterwards, at the encouragement of my two favorite professors, two other students and I met with this other professor.  In that meeting, he said he doesn’t believe that homophobia exists, essentially because sexual orientation is a choice (at least that’s what I surmise from his explanation) and that he doesn’t feel he has any responsibility to create a safe space in his classroom.  That last part was pretty explicit, as in I said: “Do you think you have any responsibility to create a safe space in your classroom?” and he responded: “no.  That’s your responsibility.”  By this point I was crying.  I could not believe that someone in a professional capacity could say the things he was saying to my face.  I mean, hello, this is not 1950.

There have been a number of other homophobic things that have happened, but I won’t list them all here.

So, then, the school decides to send me a letter telling me that I’ve been unprofessional because I cried in the meeting with that professor and I’ve been unwilling to hear and consider other people’s perspectives.  Um, since when do I have to be open to considering that someone’s homophobia is justified?  They have now placed me on an “assistance plan.”  What that actually entails I’m not sure, but they want me to get counseling and they want me to talk to other teachers about their experiences.  I already have a therapist, though it’s also inappropriate for them to suggest I get one.  I actually think the thing about talking to other teachers is a good idea, though not for the reasons they’ve listed.  I had already asked my two favorite profs to connect me with other queer teachers (which they are in the process of doing) because I want to hear about their experiences and get advice from them about being a queer teacher.

The thing is, I’ve worked in schools before.  I’ve had a lot of good experiences.  Generally speaking, I don’t come out to the kids, either – not because I’m hiding it, but just because it doesn’t come up.  If it does, then I’m honest, but it’s not been an issue for me.  I’ve never had kids or parents respond to me  homophobicly.  If any parent were to have an issue with me being queer and teaching their kid, then I would refer them to the principal because, really, it’s the principal’s job to address those concerns, not mine.

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