Ocean Dreamer

Its been a year (exactly!) since I posted on here. In that year, I also haven’t been reading y’all’s blogs, and I’m sorry for that. Things got very busy with school and then life and something had to give and it was the blogging. So I apologize and do want to get back to it. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting on here, but I want this to be a resource for me, instead of something I feel I need to do – which only made things more stressful rather than a source of stress relief.

So, basically, I am still TTC. I’ve now tried 15 times. The last seven have been with meds; the last three with a double dose plus HCG shot. And, here I am, still not pregnant. (Though I’m currently in the 2ww – but don’t think it will take.) I’m also doing fertility yoga and acupuncture, have stopped eating soy and started eating chicken, and a friend’s mom is saying a Catholic prayer for me each week.

These last three tries in particular have been really tough. As my friend said, I’m now pulling out all the stops and things still aren’t working. If I’m not pregnant this time, I’m moving to IVF. It takes too much out of me to keep trying. Of course, who knows if the IVF will work, but at least it will up my chances significantly and the fact that I’m using frozen swimmers won’t make a difference.

What I am most sick of right now is people asking me, “why don’t you try adoption?” or something along those lines. Yes, of course, I have looked at adoption. And I have always wanted to adopt, and fully intend to do so. But for a single queer woman – even in Seattle – the average wait is 4 years. I just don’t want to wait that long. Maybe if this were my 2nd kid or something, that would be okay, but its not and so I’m not. I always thought that there were so many kids out there waiting to be adopted, but in truth, there aren’t. There are *way* more potential parents out there than there are waiting kids.

Foster adoption is an option, but not something I think I could do at this point. I used to work in foster care and have seen more than one potential foster adoptive parent who was told one day that the kid was one step away from becoming theirs forever and then the next day told the kid was returning to the bio family. And just like that the kid is removed. And the foster parents are left heartbroken. After all this, I just don’t think I could do that right now.

So, yes, to answer the question, yes, of course, I have considered adoption. But, no, I don’t think its a good choice right now. But please don’t think that I haven’t thought about it, that I haven’t spent hours and hours thinking about – and stressing about – all of my options. Please recognize and respect that I know what all my options are and I have made the choice that is best for me right now.

As always, thanks for listening, y’all.

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