Ocean Dreamer » BFN

BFN – and way early, too :(

erin — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 06:31:22 +0000

Yup, not-so-lovely Aunt Flo appeared this evening. This is only cd25, only 11 days after I inseminated. I really thought I might be pregnant this time – had all the cramping and bloating I had with my chemical pregnancy this summer – and actually got my hopes up a bit, so Aunt Flo’s arrival this time is harder than usual.

I am definitely going to call my doctor on Tuesday (tomorrow if they’re open) and insist that they actually run some tests because clearly something is wrong.

In happier news, Zoe started her allergy shots. She’s only had 3 so far but already seems to be doing better! She’s significantly less itchy and hasn’t coughed all weekend. This could be coincidence (they said not to expect any progress for the first 6 months), but I’m going with it.

neeeeeedles I have never had a fear of needles. Getting allergy...

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cd 42: Aunt Flo Arrives

erin — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 18:17:40 +0000

Okay, y’all. My period *finally* arrived yesterday. I don’t know what was going on, but this was the longest cycle I have ever had. Perhaps my body and clearb.lue pregnancy tests are conspiring against me to get me to spend money – I spent over $30 on 4 pregnancy tests (the good ones with the actual words “pregnant” or “not pregnant”), convinced that I might actually be pregnant. But no. I don’t think this was an early miscarriage, either, since all 4 tests came back negative.

I’m thinking of skipping the next cycle to let my body get back to its old routine. I’ve certainly been under a lot of stress between school crap (more than what I’ve written on here) and everything else that’s been going on. And I’m sure the chemical pregnancy didn’t help, either. Plus, I can only keep the nitrogen tank for a week – anything beyond that costs $30 a day – and with my cycles’ recent craziness, I don’t want to wind up owing the bank even more money.

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not preggers :(

erin — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 03:51:27 +0000

I took a pregnancy test last night and it was negative. This was not a surprise, but it isn’t as easy to get the negative results now as it was earlier on. I haven’t actually gotten my period yet either, so I suppose I could still turn out to be pregnant, but I don’t think so. I don’t have a whole lot else to say about it right now, but I wanted to let y’all know what was going on. I do believe it will happen for me eventually, but the waiting and trying is rough, especially since there are other things going on right now that are taking away my emotional energy.

In other news, I realized that I’d gotten away from posting many pics on here, so posting more pics is my New Year’s Resolution for my blog.

And in even more other news, I am done with my quarter and am *loving* the free time!

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and … no

erin — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 06:38:44 +0000

Nope, not preggers. I actually think something may be wrong. Until I started TTC, I always had a *very* regular cycle. Not regular down to the exact hour on the exact 28th day like one woman I know, but regular enough that my cycle was always 28 to 30 days long. Not the past couple months, though. My previous cycle was 36 days long. This past cycle – 24. My luteal phase was only 9 days long this time.

Now, my luteal phase has always been a little funky because my temp doesn’t rise right after I ovulate. I asked a midwife about it awhile ago and she said it wasn’t a problem as long as my luteal phase was still 12+ days long. Which it has been … until now.

So I called my doctor’s office today to make an appointment to have someone look at my charts and give me some advice. I now have an appointment with the nurse practitioner in December. The receptionist also wanted me to talk to their triage nurse, in case the problem could be solved without an appointment. So I spoke to her briefly and, without looking at my charts (since we were talking over the phone), she just said, “it sounds like you could be a candidate for clomid.” I was shocked. I was expecting something a bit more, well, gentle. I’ve heard so many horror stories about clomid – I’d really rather avoid it if at all possible. And the prospect of having twins as a single mom – well, I’ve always wanted twins, but I’m not sure about doing it as a single parent. As for the nurse, if this is what she does all day, then surely she has realized that it’s not exactly a statement patients take lightly – let alone take lightly *without having had an exam or anything more than a literally >2 minute conversation!* I was expecting her to say, “oh, maybe you should be on progesterone” or something – you know, because the problem is mainly with my luteal phase. But, no, that’s not what she said.

Could this be caused by the chemical pregnancy? I mean, I’ve never had weird cycles before and then I suddenly start having them right after it. I know women who have a miscarriage can have weird cycles for awhile afterwards, so maybe this is the same??? Please? If any of y’all have advice, I would really, really love to hear it. Thanks in advance.

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long time no post

erin — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 18:10:02 +0000

So since I last posted, I have:

visited 4 states (not counting those I drove or flew through),
finished my coursework for the summer,
gone camping on both sides of the country,
gone to my first Single Mothers by Choice (SMC) meeting, and
found out that I am definitively not pregnant.

I saw Pam (my acupuncturist) yesterday and she mentioned that our friend Sarah was asking her for updates on my preggo status because I hadn’t updated here. So, for Sarah and the rest of y’all who are wondering, no, I’m not pregnant. I think I was pregnant for a very brief period – less than a week – and then it ended. I had that one positive test (even if the line was hard to see, it was there), the possibly slippery pulse, and this odd bloating sensation that lasted for about a week and went away around the time I had my negative pregnancy tests. And then I got my period. The roller coaster of that cycle was really rough. I had just begun adjusting to the fact that yes, I might, in fact, be pregnant when, boom, I find out I’m not. The ups and downs, the constantly changing situation, was a lot to take in and in a way I wish I hadn’t known I was temporarily pregnant. It would have made it easier to deal with the negative HPTs later on.

I will post more about the SMC meeting, my trip, and other updates later on, but I wanted to let y’all know that my pup Zoe seems to be doing better. She’s eating full meals and that is a great sign. She has to have more blood and other tests in another week or so to see if the meds have resolved this kidney infection. At that point, I’ll know more.

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or not???

erin — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 23:51:04 +0000

Okay, so perhaps I had created a bubble of hallucination, as Sarah commented yesterday. After my semi-confusing pregnancy test yesterday morning, I bought a set of 2 electric ones, so there would be less confusion. I took one yesterday afternoon and it was negative – but, I thought, okay, maybe the HCG* hasn’t had time to build up yet. Then I took another one this morning and it, too, was negative. So, I don’t know….

I do know of one woman who didn’t get a positive HPT** until 6 days after her period was due. However, I also know that for the past week or so I had been feeling bloated (not a normal PMS symptom for me) and had pressure in my abdomen. Now that feeling is gone. So maybe this was a very early miscarriage and there was still a tiny amount of HCG in my body?

In any case, as I was driving to an appointment this morning, I made peace with it. It’s not something I can control and I won’t be doing myself any favors during the next couple of days if I’m just stressing about it (provided my period still hasn’t come). The rollercoaster between yes and no has been really intense and crazy-making. So, as best I can, I am going to just enjoy my vacation and when my answer comes (in the form of a period or lack thereof), I will know. Until that time, I can’t get so wrapped up in it or I won’t be able to enjoy seeing my good friends and my family.

*HCG: Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (what pregnancy tests test for)

**HPT: Home Pregnancy Test

One of these days I am going to make an acronym page that folks can just refer to.

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another bummer cycle

erin — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 21:58:55 +0000

Well, I got my period early this morning, so this cycle’s a no-go. (I recently learned that you can be pregnant and still get your period! – shocking, I thought. In recognition of that, I will also say that I also did a pregnancy test – it was negative – and my BBT went down yesterday morning.)

Sad, sad news. Thankfully, though, I have so many other positive things happening in my life right now that I am not too disappointed. I know it will happen.

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and the survey says …

erin — Wed, 21 May 2008 19:15:43 +0000

No. My temp dropped this morning, which means I am not pregnant. I am actually pretty okay with it, as I was starting to freak out a bit about the prospect of having a real, physical baby in my house and my life in only a few short months. So now the freak out can wait a bit longer.

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