Ocean Dreamer » friends

jersey rippa’

erin — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 01:11:20 +0000

Roller Derby, why have I not been to see you before? You are awesome.

I went on Saturday for my friend Anne’s birthday – to see the four teams in the Rat City Rollergirls. Awesome, awesome, awesome time! When I was a kid, I *lived* in my roller skates – to the point that, when skating, I would crawl through my house to use the bathroom because I wasn’t allowed to wear the skates inside but didn’t want to take them off. So I loved this. The games were exciting and the crowd was entertaining – and we *loved* the names of the Rollergirls and the ref’s. So much fun, I will definitely be back.

We loved the names so much, in fact, that we all came up with our own roller derby names. Jersey Rippa’ is yours truly.

Plus, small town that Seattle truly is, I ran into three friends there and later found a fourth was there as well. All of them are folks I hadn’t seen in way too long.

I don’t know of the legality of posting photos of the actual bouts (anyone know?) but here’s a photo of my friend A and I afterwards, looking tough.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

busy days…

erin — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 16:12:21 +0000

Hey Folks,

Yes, I’m still here. It’s been a busy month with school. Sorry for the lack of updates.

I’m heading in to the doctor in a couple of hours for my next insem. I’m crossing my fingers that it’s the right time. I got a very odd reading on my OPK last night – it looked like it was reading peak, but the lines (both of them – the control and the test) only appeared in half of the window. Bizarre. Anyone else had that? This morning my fertility monitor still read high, not peak, but I’m going for it anyway. It feels like now is the right time, the other signs line up, and it’s friggin’ cd 18. So maybe I’ll be too early, but maybe I’ll miss it if I wait too much longer. Oh, and I think they got rid of the scheduler I don’t like at my doc’s office. Or, at least, she wasn’t the one answering the phone. Everyone else in that office is so sweet and wonderful, but she is always pissy and unwilling to be at all flexible. (As in, last time, I asked if I could drop off my spermies in the morning so they could be thawed for my afternoon appointment, as opposed to bringing them in 30 minutes before, and she refused. Then the nurse called me back and said that it was no problem.) I was so dreading having to speak with her to make my appointment, and so relieved not to have to talk to her.

In other news, I’m on break this week, which is giving me a bit of time to take care of some much-needed non-school/non-baby stuff. Ah, nice. Plus, I finally have time to see my friends a bit more. Yesterday I had a lovely lunch with one friend and then a lovely walk around Green Lake with another.

I’m still catching up on everyone’s blogs.

I’ll post later about the insem.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

internalized crappiness

erin — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 05:19:49 +0000

It has not been a good week. I’ve kind of debated about writing on here about this, but in the end I decided to. As a result of all the crap that’s happening at school, I’ve been dealing with a lot of internalized homophobia. I suppose I dealt with it before I really came out to myself and when I first came out, but since then it hasn’t really been an issue. Until now. So I’m not really sure what to do about it. I find myself, horror of horrors, wishing that I could be like the other people in my cohort – i.e. straight*. I’m also a bit embarrassed and ashamed to be feeling this way, which is the main reason I didn’t want to post anything about it on here. In the end, though, I decided that the best way to work through something is to talk about it, so here you go.

Maybe this will go away next quarter when I’m student teaching? I’ve written before about how I love the class and teacher I’ll be working with. It is so nice to be in her classroom, where things are not so gendered, where there aren’t expectations or boxes for the kids to be in based on what their gender is. Everyone just is, and I love it. The kids – and all of us – have so much more freedom to be true to themselves.

I was talking to my friend E about how I was feeling recently, and she said she thought it made sense, since the straight folks in my program are treated so much better than I am. Still, I want to be someone who can just be strong in the face of all of it, who will know in her heart that they are wrong and only need that knowledge to get through it. I mean, I do know they’re wrong, but clearly there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe it and that is leading me to wish I was different. I know of a queer woman a little while ago who sued my school because of their homophobia (she got all her education paid for, too.) She really seemed to be having a rough time still and said they took a part of her soul. I don’t want that to happen to me.

Until last summer, I really existed in a world that almost exclusively consisted of queer folks. Those who aren’t queer are very queer-friendly. I got used to it, it was comfortable and easy, and I always knew people either identified with or at least understood where I was coming from. For the most part, we share the same values and ideals. Consequently, when I suddenly started spending time with more straight people (some of whom turned out not to be so queer-friendly), I wasn’t as guarded as I perhaps should have been. Although, really, who wants to spend their time guarded? Watching what I say all the time makes me miserable.

For the time being, I’m trying to surround myself with as many positive queer images as I can. I’m also thinking of taking martial arts again (at least until I’m preggers) – I used to train and got so much out of it (self-confidence, awareness of my body, etc.). Most of the women who trained there were also queer and were really role models for me when I was first coming out. Now my bad ex trains at that school, so I don’t think I’ll be going back there, but I may seek out a different place to train.

I’d love to hear if y’all have thoughts or suggestions about how I can work through this. And thanks so much for listening/reading.

——————

*Note to the straight folks who read my blog: I don’t have anything against straight folks, it’s just that I’m not one and so it concerns me that I would in any way wish to be one. By saying “horror of horrors,” I don’t mean to imply that being straight is a bad thing, but just that it’s not who I am or who I should be.

why I don’t donate to KUOW I used to be a regularly donating member of KUOW,...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

$500 Chicken Dinner

erin — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 01:30:34 +0000

I’ve been vegetarian for about ten years. In that time, I only ate chicken on a trip to Italy, because I wasn’t sure what gluten free food I would find. In all that time, I never had any craving for meat. Not once. Yet for the past week, ever since visiting my lovely locally-owned co-op grocery store, I have had an intense craving for the chicken dinner they were selling in their deli section. After debating about it for most of the week and then getting my negative pregnancy results, I decided to go ahead and get it. I needed some cheering up after the preggo results. So yesterday afternoon I went out and treated myself.

After I ate it, I buried the bones in the kitchen trash (to keep them away from the pups) and headed out to meet my friend A for tea. (Tea was lovely, by the way, and it was great to see her – and learn she’s thinking of becoming a history teacher!) I returned home, was pretty exhausted, and went to sleep early. I didn’t step foot in the kitchen.

This morning, I got up, let the dogs out and discovered they had left me a little surprise in the middle of the kitchen: the bag I had buried the chicken bones in. And just the bag. As for the bones, they now live inside my two sweet pups. I called the vet and this afternoon took my girls in to get exams and X-Rays. It turns out Miss Zoe ate most of the bones. I am now quarantined in my house until further notice (minus school tomorrow when the girls will be at the vet) so I can observe them. Apparently should they start vomiting, they need to get surgery *immediately.* They seem to be doing okay for now, and I am crossing my fingers that everything comes out the other end okay.

So, let’s recap. I had my chicken dinner. And then, in response, I get two sick pups, a $500 vet bill, and am not allowed to leave the house. Think someone is trying to tell me something? I sure won’t be eating any more chicken anytime soon!

Wordless Wednesday I’ve seen this on a few blogs and want to...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Pumpkins & Balloons

erin — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 03:01:07 +0000

Today my friend A and I ventured north to buy ourselves some pumpkins. Getting my pumpkin from the pumpkin patch has become an annual tradition for me, though I wasn’t sure if I’d have time this year, since I’ve got so much studying to do. Happily, though, I was schoolwork free this weekend. We both found pumpkins though, sadly, the farm was out of their apple cider. Despite Washington’s splendid apples, its cider is nothing compared to the cider I grew up drinking in Jersey. I miss Scrumpy’s! Washington’s cider is not terrible, I was just spoiled growing up.

We did find great pumpkins, though, and as we were leaving, saw these two hot air balloons landing in a field nearby. I don’t know what it is about hot air balloons, but seeing them always makes me feel like I’m eight years old and in complete awe of them.

jersey rippa’ Roller Derby, why have I not been to see you...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

first impressions

erin — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 03:01:12 +0000

So Tuesday was my first day of official school in the teaching program. Up until this point I have been doing independent studies, so this was my first opportunity to meet my cohort and most of the professors. And, get this, y’all. The cohort has 52 students. And. I. am. the. only. queer. In Seattle. At least as far as I can tell – I haven’t talked to everyone yet. I also may have the most radical politics of anyone in the group, and my politics are not even *that* radical. There was one guy who seemed queer to me, but he turned out to be straight. Too bad, too, since he would have made such a cute gay boy! Maybe if I hadn’t just had that alienating experience with the church, I would not have felt so uncomfortable. But as it is now, I do find it rather alienating. Especially when some of the folks in the group seem to have never met a queer person before in their entire lives. And the professor can not say the acronym LGBTQ correctly, instead referring to us as “G, B, G, L … what is it again?”

In my MSW program, we had such a great cohort. I have always loved and appreciated them, but now moreso than ever. A couple of the people even created buttons that said “I *heart* my cohort,” which most of the folks wore or put on their bags. There was a strong community feel and – big surprise given the profession – *lots* of queers.

My friend Erin suggested focusing on other things that I have in common with people, which I’ve been making an effort to do. I’ve also been listening to a lot of good ol’ lesbo music on my trips home. That has helped, too. As has keeping focused on why I’m doing this. As my friend Danielle said, “All the more important, then, that you have chosen to be a teacher. KIDS NEED YOU!!!” I love my friends, they are such great sources of support.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Miss Lucy

erin — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 16:47:42 +0000

This is my friend M’s cat, Lucy. About a year ago, M went out of town and her friend combed enough fur off Lucy to create another cat – as you can see. M took pictures and sent them off to people. I forwarded them on to my family and apparently other people forwarded them as well, because they are still circulating the internet. So, I am proud to say that I, in fact, know the famous M and her more famous Lucy (and have even cared for Lucy in M’s absence, though I did not create the artwork you see before you). And since the pics have been so popular, I wanted to share them here with you all on my blog:

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Push love

erin — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:03:49 +0000

For the past few years, I have been working with Push magazine, an all-volunteer run queer feminist magazine that is based here in Seattle. We put out one (sometimes two) issues a year, on topics such as class, sex and gender, and food. Each issue included essays, interviews, poetry, and artwork from queer and trans folks, many of whom had never been published before. I dedicated every other Tuesday night – and many additional hours – to working on editing, layout, working with authors, debating issue topics, running auctions, etc.: all the fun things that go into creating a magazine designed to create space for alternative voices.

We recently published our eleventh, and final, issue: Push: A Retrospective. This evening we had a party to celebrate the release of the issue and all that Push has done over the years. Several folks who had been published in Push talked about what it meant to them and read a piece or two. The folks who founded the magazine talked about how it started nine years ago. The five current members, as well as several past members, shared Push-themed haiku and limericks. It was wonderful to hear how much Push had meant to so many different people over the years.

And now, I bring you the lovely limerick my friend Emily and I wrote and performed this evening in honor of Push:

There once was a great group of queers,

Who did love the cool words of their peers.

So they talked and they talked,

And the drag kings they walked,

And they made this great zine for you dears.

And so I say good-bye to Push with this blog post. Working on Push helped me continue to understand my queer identity and, as a result, I gained not only academic and professional skills, but also grew deeply as a person. In a way, over the years, Push became almost like a good friend – on days when I just really needed to know I wasn’t the only progressive queer in the world, I could pull out an issue and know I wasn’t alone. And so, Push – and Push members current and past – thank you.

At the end of each Push meeting, we had a check-out, where we shared what had been going on in our lives. At a recent meeting, it was clear that we were each moving on to other things, each of us following our own path, whether that be starting a business or starting a family. The part of our paths that included Push was coming to an end, and yet, seeing that we each were continuing our journeys in ways that were true to who we were, it felt right to say good-bye to Push.

And should any of y’all out in blogland want a copy of our current issue, email me your address and I’ll do my best to send one on to you. And, if you’re in the Seattle area, copies will be available soon at coffee shops and other venues around the city.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

on churches and homophobia (or, venturing out from my little queer bubble backfires)

erin — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:13:15 +0000

My spiritual path up until this point has involved a lot of exploration (including protestant christianity – which I was born into, Judaism, Buddhism – a little with my Buddhist ex, and various forms of Paganism and Wicca). I spent several years practicing Judaism and loved so much about it and gained so much from it. It has been the source of my most spiritual experiences. Yet ultimately I decided not to convert because I want to raise my children with the same holiday traditions I’d grown up with. So last fall I sought out some progressive churches – United Church of Christ (UCC) churches – in the hopes of finding a new spiritual home. If you’re not familiar with them, UCC churches tend to be about as progressive as you can get and still be christian. They’re the ones who produced commercials several years ago showing that they welcomed everyone when other churches didn’t. Those same commercials were then forced off the air because they “invoked controversy.” Hmm, who’s invoking the controversy here?

Anyway, so I found a church that I liked and became involved in their young adults group (YAG, it is affectionately called. BTW, the oldest person in YAG is nearly 40, lest you get the impression that I’m college-age.) Although a couple of my queer friends also attend the church, I was the only queer one who went to YAG events. And for a long time I really enjoyed them. For the most part, the people were quite friendly, welcoming, and inclusive. They were excited that I was trying to have a baby. One woman connected me with a lesbian friend of hers who recently had a baby.

And then, on our camping trip last weekend, things changed. Perhaps there had been an undercurrent of homophobia all along and I just missed it. Certainly there were signs that some of the folks in the group are very gendered (that is, they feel all women are one way and all men a different way). However, I was still shocked at the three separate homophobic and sexist instances over the course of the weekend.

First was the conversation where one woman, upon learning that I’m TTC, emphasized how important she thinks it is for kids of lesbian parents to have men involved in their lives, so they get exposed to both genders. (Because, you know, there are only two genders. And, of course, without this experience, sons of lesbians just won’t know how to be in the world.) Certainly I want my future children to be exposed to people of many different genders so they can learn about many different ways of being in the world. But, somehow, I don’t think this is what she was getting at.

Then, another woman described how one of the men in the group had reassured them that he wasn’t gay. (Because, you know, being gay is definitely something to be ashamed of and, if we thought he was gay, we would be really concerned.)

Finally, the last straw came on Sunday morning during our mini-service. One of the men (the same one, by the way, who reassured people he wasn’t gay) had chosen creation as the theme and had printed out two different versions of the creation story as the theme. (If you’re not familiar with it, the creation story is the one where God creates the earth and all the living beings on it over a weeklong period. Its also the story of the creation of Adam and Eve.) Now, I have a lot of issues with that story. I have also heard it told much better – much less offensively – than it was in the version this man found online. It must have come from some ultraconservative religious sect, because it literally said that women were created to serve men and that plants and animals existed to give people (it actually said men) pleasure and sustenance. Ugh. I was so disgusted.

With the first two instances, I was caught so off-guard that I didn’t say anything. I later talked to one of the women, though. With the third instance, I said I found it offensive and explained why. Another woman, one I really like, said she agreed with me. Here’s the thing, though. No one else said anything. At all. In response to *any* of the comments. This is a group from a church that says it’s open and affirming (i.e. it openly welcomes queer folks). The group members consider themselves progressive. Two of the three ministers at the church are LGBT, and the third was the minister of another UCC church when it became the only one in its area to become open and affirming.

I really thought it was a safe space for queer folks and now I’m disappointed and a little unsure of where to go from here. It illustrates, though, that just because a church – or any institution – labels itself as queer-friendly does not mean that all the people at that institution will be.

For now my spiritual journey continues. Today I went to check out one of Seattle’s Unitarian Universalist (UU) churches and was thrilled to find that my two good friends R & S just started going there. (Could it be a sign that I should head there next? I know they’d like it to be – we had brunch afterwards and they told me – jokingly – that our friendship was riding on whether or not I decided to continue going there.)

If y’all have insights or similar experiences, I’d love to hear about them, too.

why I don’t donate to KUOW I used to be a regularly donating member of KUOW,...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Pride, Pride, Pride

erin — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 23:44:40 +0000

A bit late, but here are some photos from Pride last weekend. I went to many of the events and loved it. Last year I skipped most of them because of my parents’ Conservative Cruise got into Seattle the same weekend. (Yes, you read that right. People from Fox News and other right-wing pundits were on a cruise giving speeches on various conservative issues, and it came back to Seattle on Pride weekend. Whoever planned that was either very well-informed or woefully, woefully ignorant of the world outside their box. I’m guessing the latter.) Anyway, this year, I went to the dyke march Saturday and hung out with friends afterwards. I was thrilled that my old friend T from Camp Ten Trees was friends with friends of friends of friends of mine, and so we ended up hanging out during and after the march! I hadn’t seen him in years – it was really wonderful to catch up with him.

Saturday I watched the parade with E, K, and E’s mom (she wanted to “support the gays.”) We got a spot in the shade, which was great because it was extremely hot. I brought my pup Cass along; she did really well and got lots of attention. We stayed briefly at Seattle Center (way too hot and way too crowded) before heading to an early dinner and then I went to the Indigo Girls concert! So awesome. I debated for a brief moment just crashing at home because I was exhausted from all the running around all weekend, but I’m so glad I went. Their music was, as always, exactly what I needed. I loved seeing my friends (a different group than I’d seen the rest of the weekend). Plus, there was a little girl sitting behind us wearing a t-shirt that said “My Parents are Big Gay Liberals.” How great is that?

Pride brings a great sense of community, and that is my favorite part. I ran into so many friends throughout the weekend, which I loved. Seattle’s queer community is losing so many resources right now and feels really fractured to me, and so this year’s Pride was especially important to me. I had high hopes, and it lived up to them.

jersey rippa’ Roller Derby, why have I not been to see you...
blog birthday! some reflections on 2 years of blogging & TTCing… I started this blog two years ago today. I started...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.