A few drives ago, This American Life replayed that episode about the trans kids.  When it was over, Ira Glass said he wasn’t sure the parents were doing the right thing by letting their kids live according to their gender identities!  I couldn’t believe it.  I’d always thought Ira Glass was pretty progressive – but people can always surprise you, unfortunately.

Then, during their drive last Fall, one of their daytime hosts and a guest made comments about how odd they thought it would be for a woman to wear a suit in her wedding.  Ugh.

There have also been other homo & transphobic incidents during their regular programming.  I’ve sometimes written them about them – usually its their daytime talkshows that are the problem – and usually I get really defensive responses back.

I also used to be a dog trainer and those talkshows occasionally have a trainer on whose methods are terrible – really, really abusive to the dogs and damaging to the owner-dog relationship.  When I (and others) contacted them about that, their response was essentially that they didn’t care because he was popular with the audience!  Come on, KUOW, I expect more of you.

When it comes to any issue of oppression, I feel the more important thing is how a person responds when they’re called on their shit.  I mean, we all make mistakes; it would be hypocritical for me to turn my back on someone simply because they said or did something offensive.  What’s most important is that the person owns what they did and works to change it.  So far, KUOW has been really defensive when confronted with any of these issues.

So after all these incidents, I’ve stopped donating.  I do still love many aspects of NPR and if they change these problems, I will likely start donating again.  But until then, I’ll continue to donate and volunteer my time towards groups that are working to fight oppression.

©2010 Ocean Dreamer. All Rights Reserved.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Maybe this will go away next quarter when I’m student teaching?  I’ve written before about how I love the class and teacher I’ll be working with.  It is so nice to be in her classroom, where things are not so gendered, where there aren’t expectations or boxes for the kids to be in based on what their gender is.  Everyone just is, and I love it.  The kids – and all of us – have so much more freedom to be true to themselves.

I was talking to my friend E about how I was feeling recently, and she said she thought it made sense, since the straight folks in my program are treated so much better than I am.  Still, I want to be someone who can just be strong in the face of all of it, who will know in her heart that they are wrong and only need that knowledge to get through it.  I mean, I do know they’re wrong, but clearly there’s a part of me that doesn’t believe it and that is leading me to wish I was different.  I know of a queer woman a little while ago who sued my school because of their homophobia (she got all her education paid for, too.)  She really seemed to be having a rough time still and said they took a part of her soul.  I don’t want that to happen to me.

Until last summer, I really existed in a world that almost exclusively consisted of queer folks.  Those who aren’t queer are very queer-friendly.  I got used to it, it was comfortable and easy, and I always knew people either identified with or at least understood where I was coming from.  For the most part, we share the same values and ideals.  Consequently, when I suddenly started spending time with more straight people (some of whom turned out not to be so queer-friendly), I wasn’t as guarded as I perhaps should have been.  Although, really, who wants to spend their time guarded?  Watching what I say all the time makes me miserable.

For the time being, I’m trying to surround myself with as many positive queer images as I can.  I’m also thinking of taking martial arts again (at least until I’m preggers) – I used to train and got so much out of it (self-confidence, awareness of my body, etc.).  Most of the women who trained there were also queer and were really role models for me when I was first coming out.  Now my bad ex trains at that school, so I don’t think I’ll be going back there, but I may seek out a different place to train.

I’d love to hear if y’all have thoughts or suggestions about how I can work through this.  And thanks so much for listening/reading.

——————

*Note to the straight folks who read my blog: I don’t have anything against straight folks, it’s just that I’m not one and so it concerns me that I would in any way wish to be one.  By saying “horror of horrors,” I don’t mean to imply that being straight is a bad thing, but just that it’s not who I am or who I should be.

©2010 Ocean Dreamer. All Rights Reserved.

Related posts:

1. why I don’t donate to KUOW I used to be a regularly donating member of KUOW,...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Thanks so much for all your sweet and supportive comments about my school experience.  The school crappiness continues – most recently having a fit at me because I *dared* to request that people bring a list of ingredients to an upcoming potluck so I – and other folks with allergies – would know what we could eat.  However, I am really excited about my student teaching placement.  I start next quarter, but am there one day a week right now.  The kids and teacher are great *and* the teacher is a lesbian who says in all her years of teaching, she has never had a parent be concerned that she was teaching their child.  In your face, stupid MIT program that knows nothing.  I wish I could spend every day in that class.  Only six and a half weeks until I can do just that.

My friends at school are also really supportive.  When they heard about the school flipping out over my allergies yet again, one woman proposed that we all bring in laminated ingredients lists, displayed on placards.  Just to show how *not-difficult* the whole process was.  Another woman – who happens to have a nut allergy – said she was going to fake an allergy attack and then exclaim, “oh, I *wish* I had known what was in these dishes!”  They rock.

©2010 Ocean Dreamer. All Rights Reserved.

No related posts.

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

At the beginning of the year, the program director refused to help me ensure that I had food to eat (I’m gluten-free) at a required retreat.  She literally told me that “they’ll have vegetables and you can eat that.”  Um, hello, I can not eat just vegetables for two days.  I have no problem eating the same meal for a couple of days (not ideal, but I know kitchens are busy places).  However, that meal has to actually be a full meal, not a plate of vegetables.  Not to mention the fact that my diet is covered under the ADA.  After the whole experience, the program director and another prof wanted to meet with me and basically told me they didn’t agree with the way I’d advocated for myself.  Ugh.  Neither of them have food allergies, and unless they do, they have no place telling me how I should be advocating for myself.  I wasn’t rude, I didn’t yell, etc.

The homophobia has been more ongoing.  In general, the message around any sort of queer issues – especially around issues of queers having kids – is “be careful, that’s really controversial.”  WTF, this is Seattle?!?!  Some of the worst was in a social justice class where we were supposed to do a project on a social justice issue.  The prof wanted us to present both sides if it was a controversial issue.  The examples he gave were marriage equality, abortion, and the WASL.  Now, I don’t disagree that same sex marriage is controversial but as far as I’m concerned you can’t have different requirements for different issues: doing so is discriminatory.  So, I decided to say something in class, and here’s how the conversation went:

Me: Could you please clarify what you mean by asking us to present both sides of controversial issues, because it seems to me that all social justice issues are controversial and they wouldn’t be social justice issues if they weren’t, and that by only requiring both sides for certain issues, you’re condoning hate speech against my community.

Prof: Um, well, uh … [then, something about how slavery was not a controversial issue so it would be one where it would be okay to only present one side.  (Now, I'm not going to argue with him about slavery because I don't want to add to the rift that seems to exist between white queer communities and straight people of color communities.  However, it also seems clear that slavery is "controversial" in some areas because it still continues today - that is, obviously there are some people who think it's okay.)]

Me: But you can’t have different requirements …

Another student: What she’s saying is that the other viewpoint is a religious one that’s discriminatory.

Prof: Not everyone agrees with that.

A third student: Yeah, I don’t.

Prof: See?

At that point I got up and walked out of class.  Several students followed me out.  I have never walked out of a class before, never even thought about it.  But staying in that class would have meant condoning his homophobia.

Afterwards, at the encouragement of my two favorite professors, two other students and I met with this other professor.  In that meeting, he said he doesn’t believe that homophobia exists, essentially because sexual orientation is a choice (at least that’s what I surmise from his explanation) and that he doesn’t feel he has any responsibility to create a safe space in his classroom.  That last part was pretty explicit, as in I said: “Do you think you have any responsibility to create a safe space in your classroom?” and he responded: “no.  That’s your responsibility.”  By this point I was crying.  I could not believe that someone in a professional capacity could say the things he was saying to my face.  I mean, hello, this is not 1950.

There have been a number of other homophobic things that have happened, but I won’t list them all here.

So, then, the school decides to send me a letter telling me that I’ve been unprofessional because I cried in the meeting with that professor and I’ve been unwilling to hear and consider other people’s perspectives.  Um, since when do I have to be open to considering that someone’s homophobia is justified?  They have now placed me on an “assistance plan.”  What that actually entails I’m not sure, but they want me to get counseling and they want me to talk to other teachers about their experiences.  I already have a therapist, though it’s also inappropriate for them to suggest I get one.  I actually think the thing about talking to other teachers is a good idea, though not for the reasons they’ve listed.  I had already asked my two favorite profs to connect me with other queer teachers (which they are in the process of doing) because I want to hear about their experiences and get advice from them about being a queer teacher.

The thing is, I’ve worked in schools before.  I’ve had a lot of good experiences.  Generally speaking, I don’t come out to the kids, either – not because I’m hiding it, but just because it doesn’t come up.  If it does, then I’m honest, but it’s not been an issue for me.  I’ve never had kids or parents respond to me  homophobicly.  If any parent were to have an issue with me being queer and teaching their kid, then I would refer them to the principal because, really, it’s the principal’s job to address those concerns, not mine.

©2010 Ocean Dreamer. All Rights Reserved.

Related posts:

1. why I don’t donate to KUOW I used to be a regularly donating member of KUOW,...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Following the protest at Volunteer Park, there will be a march downtown to Westlake Center.  Hope to see you there.

I’m reposting this from Join the Impact.  Hope to see y’all out in Seattle and across the country.  You can find your protest location here.  In Seattle, we’ll be outside Seattle City Council Offices: 600 4th Ave # 2 at Volunteer Park (see above.)

I’m sure all would agree that with the election of Barack Obama, this week has been one of amazing wins in the world of equality!  Still, Tuesday night was one of bitter-sweet celebration, as we came together to witness the first black man who will become our president, and watched in sadness as Florida, Arizona, Arkansas, and California all voted down equal rights for all citizens.  Pendants and bloggers alike have put their focus on Proposition 8, trying hard to find an explanation for the anti-gay wins in the face of a huge pro-equality event.  Some have blamed the voters, others blame religious groups, and even others blame the LGBTQ community for not being able to mobilize on a larger enough scale.  And you know what, there is truth in every argument.

As a community, we have to admit to the fact that we are polarized in various ways.  Honestly, I’m not sure what community isn’t and I believe that our polarization is proof to our humanity – we are no different than anyone else, regardless of color, creed, or sexual orientation.  Still, our polarization has hindered us from mobalizing as one strong voice.  We all come together in the month of June to celebrate Gay Pride, but few of us are even aware of why Gay Pride exists.  Gay Pride is a celebration to commemorate the Stonewall Riots of 1969.  Many say that the Gay Rights Movement began in 1969, which means that we are still a young movement and have accomplished a great deal in such a short amount of time.  The generation that fought for us in 1969 deserves our gratitude and respect.  This is a generation of amazing people who fought for our ability to hold hands in the street, to speak out against hate, to dance to our own “thumpa thump”, witness television shows with a queer cast, and come together in the streets celebrating for an entire month!  This is the generation that opened the doors for us to even have a conversation about gay marriage, and this is the generation that deserves our help and our voices now.  On June 27th, 1969, this generation came together in protest, jumping from closets, taking to the streets, and mobilizing in ways this country had never seen before!  And what happened?  The country was forced to respond.  The Queer identity was forced onto the front pages and coffee tables of people’s worlds and people had to once and for all accept that we are human too!

Now, almost 40 years later we NEED to come together again.  We need to show this nation that we are ONE LOUD VOICE THAT DEMANDS TO BE HEARD! We need to be one organized unit.  Our gay pride shouldn’t be something we celebrate one month out of the year.  Our gratitude towards the ones who came before us shouldn’t be ignored and wasted away with one party after another.  We beg to be given a right that requires responsibility and commitment, yet we, as one strong community, have not proven to this nation that we deserve to be taken seriously!  The gay pride parade has become a great party, but it has lost the memory of Stonewall and therefor given the nation another reason to cast us aside as irresponsible.  It’s time we come together for debate, for public recognition, and for LOVE!  Let’s move as one full unit, on the same day, at the same hour, and let’s show the United States of America that we too are UNITED CITIZENS EQAUL IN MIND, BODY, SPIRIT AND DESERVING OF FULL EQUALITY UNDER THE LAW!

On the steps of your City Hall on November 15th at 10:30am PST / 1:30pm EST, our community WILL take to the streets and speak out against Proposition 8 and all of the other pro-equality losses that we have faced in our lifetimes, in our parents’ lifetimes, and for many generations before us.  WE CAN’T DO THIS ALONE! WE NEED YOUR HELP!  We need organizers in every major city to work with us and get out the protest!  I know you’re all tired from all of the work you’ve done for this great election year, but I’m asking for one more push!  Let the country hear our voices together.  Let them see that we are a strong, adamant, and powerful community that deserves equal rights, and CAN’T BE DEFEATED!

Send this post to everyone!  We have one week and must react to the pro-hate votes cast against us!  Let’s help our LGBTQ friends, families, neighbors, and each other to IMPACT this country with a demand for our basic human rights!  Join the cause, join the voice, and JOIN THE IMPACT!

©2010 Ocean Dreamer. All Rights Reserved.

Related posts:

1. why I don’t donate to KUOW I used to be a regularly donating member of KUOW,...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

I had a lot of hope in California.  Quite simply, I really can’t understand how anyone could vote to take away rights from a group of people *after they had already been recognized.*  As far as I know, this is the first time in the history of our country that that has happened and, on top of everything else, it sets a dangerous precedent for the rights of all minority groups.  Whose rights will be taken away next?

It seems to me that leaving decisions related to civil rights for minority groups up to the whim of a majority of voters creates an inherently unequal system where the rights of the minority group are at increased risk (this is what de Toqueville referred to as the tyranny of the majority.)  Especially when it comes to civil rights for minority groups, there are times when decisions should be made by a legislature that is prepared to make potentially unpopular yet just decisions.  That did not happen in this case.

The various queer community groups are amazing in their efforts to bring us together.  And it seems to be working.  Folks are organizing again and fighting back.  And Melissa Etheridge wrote a beautiful post about her reaction and her subsequent decision not to pay her taxes: “You Can Forget My Taxes.”  Here’s a snippet of her post:

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

I do believe that every setback has a silver lining, and in this case it seems it has helped bring our community closer together.  I’ve talked with several other Seattle folks who were sure prop 8 would fail and who now regret not putting more time, energy, or money into it.  Although I did give money myself, I also meant to talk to my family about donating, but with school and everything, I didn’t get around to it.  Now, though, folks are feeling the urge to get more involved.  It would be so wonderful if out of this horrible mess of crap there grew an even more vibrant, powerful, and prideful queer movement.

©2010 Ocean Dreamer. All Rights Reserved.

Related posts:

1. why I don’t donate to KUOW I used to be a regularly donating member of KUOW,...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

A little update on school, too.  Well, things have continued the way they were, but I have found more allies among the other students and a couple of professors.  Apparently previous cohorts have also felt there was a lack of inclusion of queer issues and the faculty’s response was, “well, we gave you those two articles to read!”  So my friend B and I met once with a prof I really like and gave her a lot of resources.  If the faculty as a whole still aren’t open to being more inclusive (and also getting some education! – they have said some pretty offensive things, y’all), then B and I are going to start a club to educate folks in the cohort.  So, I’m feeling more hopeful since we now have a plan to address it.

©2010 Ocean Dreamer. All Rights Reserved.

Related posts:

1. blog birthday! some reflections on 2 years of blogging & TTCing… I started this blog two years ago today. I started...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.

Anyway, so I found a church that I liked and became involved in their young adults group (YAG, it is affectionately called.  BTW, the oldest person in YAG is nearly 40, lest you get the impression that I’m college-age.)  Although a couple of my queer friends also attend the church, I was the only queer one who went to YAG events.  And for a long time I really enjoyed them.  For the most part, the people were quite friendly, welcoming, and inclusive.  They were excited that I was trying to have a baby.  One woman connected me with a lesbian friend of hers who recently had a baby.

And then, on our camping trip last weekend, things changed.  Perhaps there had been an undercurrent of homophobia all along and I just missed it.  Certainly there were signs that some of the folks in the group are very gendered (that is, they feel all women are one way and all men a different way).  However, I was still shocked at the three separate homophobic and sexist instances over the course of the weekend.

First was the conversation where one woman, upon learning that I’m TTC, emphasized how important she thinks it is for kids of lesbian parents to have men involved in their lives, so they get exposed to both genders.  (Because, you know, there are only two genders.  And, of course, without this experience, sons of lesbians just won’t know how to be in the world.)  Certainly I want my future children to be exposed to people of many different genders so they can learn about many different ways of being in the world.  But, somehow, I don’t think this is what she was getting at.

Then, another woman described how one of the men in the group had reassured them that he wasn’t gay.  (Because, you know, being gay is definitely something to be ashamed of and, if we thought he was gay, we would be really concerned.)

Finally, the last straw came on Sunday morning during our mini-service.  One of the men (the same one, by the way, who reassured people he wasn’t gay) had chosen creation as the theme and had printed out two different versions of the creation story as the theme.  (If you’re not familiar with it, the creation story is the one where God creates the earth and all the living beings on it over a weeklong period.  Its also the story of the creation of Adam and Eve.)  Now, I have a lot of issues with that story.  I have also heard it told much better – much less offensively – than it was in the version this man found online.  It must have come from some ultraconservative religious sect, because it literally said that women were created to serve men and that plants and animals existed to give people (it actually said men) pleasure and sustenance.  Ugh.  I was so disgusted.

With the first two instances, I was caught so off-guard that I didn’t say anything.  I later talked to one of the women, though.  With the third instance, I said I found it offensive and explained why.  Another woman, one I really like, said she agreed with me.  Here’s the thing, though.  No one else said anything.  At all. In response to *any* of the comments. This is a group from a church that says it’s open and affirming (i.e. it openly welcomes queer folks).  The group members consider themselves progressive.  Two of the three ministers at the church are LGBT, and the third was the minister of another UCC church when it became the only one in its area to become open and affirming.

I really thought it was a safe space for queer folks and now I’m disappointed and a little unsure of where to go from here.  It illustrates, though, that just because a church – or any institution – labels itself as queer-friendly does not mean that all the people at that institution will be.

For now my spiritual journey continues.  Today I went to check out one of Seattle’s Unitarian Universalist (UU) churches and was thrilled to find that my two good friends R & S just started going there.  (Could it be a sign that I should head there next?  I know they’d like it to be – we had brunch afterwards and they told me – jokingly – that our friendship was riding on whether or not I decided to continue going there.)

If y’all have insights or similar experiences, I’d love to hear about them, too.

©2010 Ocean Dreamer. All Rights Reserved.

Related posts:

1. why I don’t donate to KUOW I used to be a regularly donating member of KUOW,...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.