Ocean Dreamer » LGBTQ community

the aftermath

erin — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 01:44:40 +0000

I’ve been spending a lot of time over the past couple of days reading some of my favorite blogs. I am so deeply disappointed over CA’s passage of prop 8 (and the bans in FL, AZ, and AR, though those were less shocking), so much so that I really couldn’t write anything on here about it. It seems that many of my favorite bloggers felt the same – we have all been in a state of shock and mourning, and trying to put those thoughts into words to write on here was too challenging for me. It still is. I will post a bit here, however.

I had a lot of hope in California. Quite simply, I really can’t understand how anyone could vote to take away rights from a group of people *after they had already been recognized.* As far as I know, this is the first time in the history of our country that that has happened and, on top of everything else, it sets a dangerous precedent for the rights of all minority groups. Whose rights will be taken away next?

It seems to me that leaving decisions related to civil rights for minority groups up to the whim of a majority of voters creates an inherently unequal system where the rights of the minority group are at increased risk (this is what de Toqueville referred to as the tyranny of the majority.) Especially when it comes to civil rights for minority groups, there are times when decisions should be made by a legislature that is prepared to make potentially unpopular yet just decisions. That did not happen in this case.

The various queer community groups are amazing in their efforts to bring us together. And it seems to be working. Folks are organizing again and fighting back. And Melissa Etheridge wrote a beautiful post about her reaction and her subsequent decision not to pay her taxes: “You Can Forget My Taxes.” Here’s a snippet of her post:

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

I do believe that every setback has a silver lining, and in this case it seems it has helped bring our community closer together. I’ve talked with several other Seattle folks who were sure prop 8 would fail and who now regret not putting more time, energy, or money into it. Although I did give money myself, I also meant to talk to my family about donating, but with school and everything, I didn’t get around to it. Now, though, folks are feeling the urge to get more involved. It would be so wonderful if out of this horrible mess of crap there grew an even more vibrant, powerful, and prideful queer movement.

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Push love

erin — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:03:49 +0000

For the past few years, I have been working with Push magazine, an all-volunteer run queer feminist magazine that is based here in Seattle. We put out one (sometimes two) issues a year, on topics such as class, sex and gender, and food. Each issue included essays, interviews, poetry, and artwork from queer and trans folks, many of whom had never been published before. I dedicated every other Tuesday night – and many additional hours – to working on editing, layout, working with authors, debating issue topics, running auctions, etc.: all the fun things that go into creating a magazine designed to create space for alternative voices.

We recently published our eleventh, and final, issue: Push: A Retrospective. This evening we had a party to celebrate the release of the issue and all that Push has done over the years. Several folks who had been published in Push talked about what it meant to them and read a piece or two. The folks who founded the magazine talked about how it started nine years ago. The five current members, as well as several past members, shared Push-themed haiku and limericks. It was wonderful to hear how much Push had meant to so many different people over the years.

And now, I bring you the lovely limerick my friend Emily and I wrote and performed this evening in honor of Push:

There once was a great group of queers,

Who did love the cool words of their peers.

So they talked and they talked,

And the drag kings they walked,

And they made this great zine for you dears.

And so I say good-bye to Push with this blog post. Working on Push helped me continue to understand my queer identity and, as a result, I gained not only academic and professional skills, but also grew deeply as a person. In a way, over the years, Push became almost like a good friend – on days when I just really needed to know I wasn’t the only progressive queer in the world, I could pull out an issue and know I wasn’t alone. And so, Push – and Push members current and past – thank you.

At the end of each Push meeting, we had a check-out, where we shared what had been going on in our lives. At a recent meeting, it was clear that we were each moving on to other things, each of us following our own path, whether that be starting a business or starting a family. The part of our paths that included Push was coming to an end, and yet, seeing that we each were continuing our journeys in ways that were true to who we were, it felt right to say good-bye to Push.

And should any of y’all out in blogland want a copy of our current issue, email me your address and I’ll do my best to send one on to you. And, if you’re in the Seattle area, copies will be available soon at coffee shops and other venues around the city.

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biphobia part 2

erin — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:59:49 +0000

So here’s an update on my adventures with biphobia on my lesbian moms listserve. You can read about what happened here. After my post on the listserve, I received many responses. Some were from women who agreed with me (although one went back on her agreement under pressure from the group). Most, however, were along the lines of the following:

This isn’t discrimination. Theme parks limit the height of their riders and this is no different.
This isn’t a group for women who are just coming out (because all bisexuals say they’re bisexual because they’re just coming out; once they’re out, they’ll be lesbians.)
Only Lesbian women deal with my issues (but bi or trans women who are in relationships with women don’t).
This also isn’t a group for trans folks or people who are poly (even if they’re only with other women.)
They can form their own group.

I’m really sad that the group was so narrow-minded. I’m not too surprised, since I had a feeling they were pretty narrow based on some of their postings. Still, it makes me so sad when groups who are oppressed turn around and oppress others, especially when they do it intentionally. Whenever we oppress another group, we only distance ourselves, when we could be working together for a more socially just world. When we oppress each other, we’re only helping those in positions of power to maintain their power. Is that really what we want? I don’t.

Someone once told me (kindly) that my theme song should be “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing.” Cheesy it may be, but there is some truth to it nonetheless. I do believe that we can have a socially just society, we just have to keep working *together* to get there.

Back to the biphobia on the list. So, after several days, the listowner sent out her announcement that the group would continue to be closed to bisexual women. As I said I would, I then emailed the group to say I was unsubscribing and why. Before I actually sunsubscribed, I did get several negative responses. However, I also received a very sweet personal email from one of the group moderators, saying that she had been out of town and missed much of the discussion, but that she, too, was unsubscribing as a result of the decision. So we have made a statement and perhaps the other group members will think more about the situation as a result. Perhaps even more will leave in protest.

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biphobia

erin — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 18:29:57 +0000

I’m on several listserves for lesbian moms and women who are TTC. One of them labeled themselves as being “just for lesbians.” It was the first one I found and I joined it because I wanted the community, even though I was strongly opposed to the exclusionary policy. Recently, the listowner received a request from a bisexual-identified woman who wants to join, and she posted on the list, asking members for our input: should this woman be allowed to join the group?

Many women have responded to the question, all saying, “no, she can’t be here.” The general argument is that lesbian moms have different issues. However, we don’t know anything about this woman other than that she’s bisexual and wants to join (and so is either a mom or TTC). Consequently, people are making a *lot* of assumptions, and using all of them to argue against her membership in the group – that she’s probably married and her husband will read our posts, that she (and all bisexuals) are really more straight than queer, that her life is socially accepted. Reading these posts, I was livid. Here’s the response I wrote to the group:

I have a different perspective. I joined this list with trepidation
because it was limited to lesbians. I felt this was exclusionary and
it made me uncomfortable, but I decided to join and see how it went.
I have never in my life been with a man, nor do I have any intention
of ever being with a man. However, I have friends (some moms, some
not) who identify as bisexual or something along those lines. I have
never felt that their issues were so different from mine. Many are in
long-term relationships with women. Some identified as lesbians, then
fell in love with transmen. Some are poly (as are many of my lesbian-
identified friends.)

As lesbians, we have faced a lot of discrimination from many sides.
One of the promises I made to myself as a result of this
discrimination is that I would never knowingly do the same to someone
else or stand by while someone else discriminated. So what I want to
ask all of you is, how would you feel if you were in this woman’s
place? Discrimination is discrimination, no matter if it’s coming
from the majority group (straight people) or a minority group. Do you
really want to put someone else through the same pain that you have
experienced from discrimination? I don’t.

Someone said she was scared the woman’s husband (if she has one) would
get online. I, too, would be concerned if anyone who was not a member
of this group read through our discussions, since it’s a private
group. However, I don’t see us limiting anyone else’s membership
because her partner or anyone else might get online using her ID. Why
should we treat this woman any differently? (especially since we
don’t even know if she *has* a husband.)

Someone suggested admitting bi women on a case-by-case basis after
finding out more info on that woman’s love life. This, too, is
discrimination, since we are treating them differently than the rest
of the members. Have any of you ever had to legitimize your
relationship with your partner in front of an individual or group you
could sense was not really open to your presence in the group? I
have, many times. Interrogating bisexual women on their private lives
before admitting them is no different.

I hope that we can be more open in this group, that we can be open to
all women who love women. We have all experienced discrimination and
the pain that comes with it. Do we really want to turn around and do
the same to someone else?

We’ll see what response I get. I have decided that if the group decides to exclude this woman, that I will unsubscribe from the group. I have found other community now and no longer need this support.

Any of y’all have suggestions on other ways to respond to the group, that might help them be more open? How do you handle situations like this? Or maybe you disagree and think the group should just be for lesbians? Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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Pride, Pride, Pride

erin — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 23:44:40 +0000

A bit late, but here are some photos from Pride last weekend. I went to many of the events and loved it. Last year I skipped most of them because of my parents’ Conservative Cruise got into Seattle the same weekend. (Yes, you read that right. People from Fox News and other right-wing pundits were on a cruise giving speeches on various conservative issues, and it came back to Seattle on Pride weekend. Whoever planned that was either very well-informed or woefully, woefully ignorant of the world outside their box. I’m guessing the latter.) Anyway, this year, I went to the dyke march Saturday and hung out with friends afterwards. I was thrilled that my old friend T from Camp Ten Trees was friends with friends of friends of friends of mine, and so we ended up hanging out during and after the march! I hadn’t seen him in years – it was really wonderful to catch up with him.

Saturday I watched the parade with E, K, and E’s mom (she wanted to “support the gays.”) We got a spot in the shade, which was great because it was extremely hot. I brought my pup Cass along; she did really well and got lots of attention. We stayed briefly at Seattle Center (way too hot and way too crowded) before heading to an early dinner and then I went to the Indigo Girls concert! So awesome. I debated for a brief moment just crashing at home because I was exhausted from all the running around all weekend, but I’m so glad I went. Their music was, as always, exactly what I needed. I loved seeing my friends (a different group than I’d seen the rest of the weekend). Plus, there was a little girl sitting behind us wearing a t-shirt that said “My Parents are Big Gay Liberals.” How great is that?

Pride brings a great sense of community, and that is my favorite part. I ran into so many friends throughout the weekend, which I loved. Seattle’s queer community is losing so many resources right now and feels really fractured to me, and so this year’s Pride was especially important to me. I had high hopes, and it lived up to them.

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