Ocean Dreamer » two week wait

“why don’t you try adoption?”

erin — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 19:20:07 +0000

Its been a year (exactly!) since I posted on here. In that year, I also haven’t been reading y’all’s blogs, and I’m sorry for that. Things got very busy with school and then life and something had to give and it was the blogging. So I apologize and do want to get back to it. I don’t know how often I’ll be posting on here, but I want this to be a resource for me, instead of something I feel I need to do – which only made things more stressful rather than a source of stress relief.

So, basically, I am still TTC. I’ve now tried 15 times. The last seven have been with meds; the last three with a double dose plus HCG shot. And, here I am, still not pregnant. (Though I’m currently in the 2ww – but don’t think it will take.) I’m also doing fertility yoga and acupuncture, have stopped eating soy and started eating chicken, and a friend’s mom is saying a Catholic prayer for me each week.

These last three tries in particular have been really tough. As my friend said, I’m now pulling out all the stops and things still aren’t working. If I’m not pregnant this time, I’m moving to IVF. It takes too much out of me to keep trying. Of course, who knows if the IVF will work, but at least it will up my chances significantly and the fact that I’m using frozen swimmers won’t make a difference.

What I am most sick of right now is people asking me, “why don’t you try adoption?” or something along those lines. Yes, of course, I have looked at adoption. And I have always wanted to adopt, and fully intend to do so. But for a single queer woman – even in Seattle – the average wait is 4 years. I just don’t want to wait that long. Maybe if this were my 2nd kid or something, that would be okay, but its not and so I’m not. I always thought that there were so many kids out there waiting to be adopted, but in truth, there aren’t. There are *way* more potential parents out there than there are waiting kids.

Foster adoption is an option, but not something I think I could do at this point. I used to work in foster care and have seen more than one potential foster adoptive parent who was told one day that the kid was one step away from becoming theirs forever and then the next day told the kid was returning to the bio family. And just like that the kid is removed. And the foster parents are left heartbroken. After all this, I just don’t think I could do that right now.

So, yes, to answer the question, yes, of course, I have considered adoption. But, no, I don’t think its a good choice right now. But please don’t think that I haven’t thought about it, that I haven’t spent hours and hours thinking about – and stressing about – all of my options. Please recognize and respect that I know what all my options are and I have made the choice that is best for me right now.

As always, thanks for listening, y’all.

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slippery pulse?

erin — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 05:38:18 +0000

Another quick update as I am currently swimming through the end-of-quarter-rush craziness. However, I went to my regular acupuncture appointment the other day, and my acupuncturist said my pulse felt slippery – the way it does when you’re pregnant. Whoa. I’m still *days* away from even a glimmer of hope of having an accurate pregnancy test. In the meantime, I have Pam’s prediction. She did stress that she’s still learning to detect it, so I won’t take it as a completely accurate, 100% definitive indication. However…. After all the craziness of this cycle, it would be fitting that this would be the one when I turn out preggers.

*And* she thought my pulse was slippery only 5 days after the insem and ovulation – *way* before the end of the 2WW. How nice it is to only have to wait 5 days, instead of 14.

I’ll be testing this weekend and will post once I know the results.

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vote of confidence

erin — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 00:34:37 +0000

Last night I went to my friend J’s birthday party. (Happy b-day, J!) It was at a bar and included wild dart throwing (those observing were nearly hit several times), good times with some old friends from grad school, and opportunities to meet many sweet, new people (including one who’s preggo herself). While there, I filled J and my friend A in on my baby progress to date. They were both very excited for me, which was of course wonderful. As I was leaving last night, A told me she was sure I was pregnant. I’m not sure how she knows this, but I greatly appreciate the vote of confidence.

Friday my acupuncturist told me she couldn’t detect the slippery pulse that pregnant women have – though it could be too early for it to show up, she said.

We will see who is right in just another few days … when the two week wait hell nearly ends and I can take a pregnancy test. Wish me luck and baby dust.

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4 more days

erin — Sat, 17 May 2008 15:56:06 +0000

I’ve done fairly well with the Two Week Wait*. Since this is my first time around, I am fairly convinced I won’t get pregnant, and that’s made the wait easier – I’ve just put the possibility of pregnancy out of my mind. That was working fairly well for the first week (you might have noticed the conspicuous lack of baby-related posts since I inseminated). Now that I’m nearing the end of my two weeks (well, 13 days in my case), though, baby stuff is creeping ever so slowly back into my mind. Yesterday, when I should have been studying, I instead spent a significant period of time reading up on early signs of pregnancy. I’ve been having this odd cramping since a day or so after I inseminated, and I wonder …. Hmm, maybe I *am* pregnant. Well, I will know in just 4 more days! The countdown has started for real. If I don’t get my period by the end of the day on Tuesday, it is officially late. In the meantime, I may be relying on this list of things to do in the Two Week Wait. Wish me luck that Tuesday is a happy day!

*For the Uninitiated: the Two Week Wait refers to the period of time between when you inseminate (or have intercourse) and when you expect your next period – that is, the time between when you attempt to get pregnant and when you know whether or not it took. It can be a very nerve-wracking time for many women and couples.

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