Now, my luteal phase has always been a little funky because my temp doesn’t rise right after I ovulate.  I asked a midwife about it awhile ago and she said it wasn’t a problem as long as my luteal phase was still 12+ days long.  Which it has been … until now.

So I called my doctor’s office today to make an appointment to have someone look at my charts and give me some advice.  I now have an appointment with the nurse practitioner in December.  The receptionist also wanted me to talk to their triage nurse, in case the problem could be solved without an appointment.  So I spoke to her briefly and, without looking at my charts (since we were talking over the phone), she just said, “it sounds like you could be a candidate for clomid.”  I was shocked.  I was expecting something a bit more, well, gentle.  I’ve heard so many horror stories about clomid - I’d really rather avoid it if at all possible.  And the prospect of having twins as a single mom - well, I’ve always wanted twins, but I’m not sure about doing it as a single parent.  As for the nurse, if this is what she does all day, then surely she has realized that it’s not exactly a statement patients take lightly - let alone take lightly *without having had an exam or anything more than a literally >2 minute conversation!*  I was expecting her to say, “oh, maybe you should be on progesterone” or something - you know, because the problem is mainly with my luteal phase.  But, no, that’s not what she said.

Could this be caused by the chemical pregnancy?  I mean, I’ve never had weird cycles before and then I suddenly start having them right after it.  I know women who have a miscarriage can have weird cycles for awhile afterwards, so maybe this is the same???  Please?  If any of y’all have advice, I would really, really love to hear it.  Thanks in advance.

Following the protest at Volunteer Park, there will be a march downtown to Westlake Center.  Hope to see you there.

I’m reposting this from Join the Impact.  Hope to see y’all out in Seattle and across the country.  You can find your protest location here.  In Seattle, we’ll be outside Seattle City Council Offices: 600 4th Ave # 2 at Volunteer Park (see above.)

I’m sure all would agree that with the election of Barack Obama, this week has been one of amazing wins in the world of equality!  Still, Tuesday night was one of bitter-sweet celebration, as we came together to witness the first black man who will become our president, and watched in sadness as Florida, Arizona, Arkansas, and California all voted down equal rights for all citizens.  Pendants and bloggers alike have put their focus on Proposition 8, trying hard to find an explanation for the anti-gay wins in the face of a huge pro-equality event.  Some have blamed the voters, others blame religious groups, and even others blame the LGBTQ community for not being able to mobilize on a larger enough scale.  And you know what, there is truth in every argument.

As a community, we have to admit to the fact that we are polarized in various ways.  Honestly, I’m not sure what community isn’t and I believe that our polarization is proof to our humanity - we are no different than anyone else, regardless of color, creed, or sexual orientation.  Still, our polarization has hindered us from mobalizing as one strong voice.  We all come together in the month of June to celebrate Gay Pride, but few of us are even aware of why Gay Pride exists.  Gay Pride is a celebration to commemorate the Stonewall Riots of 1969.  Many say that the Gay Rights Movement began in 1969, which means that we are still a young movement and have accomplished a great deal in such a short amount of time.  The generation that fought for us in 1969 deserves our gratitude and respect.  This is a generation of amazing people who fought for our ability to hold hands in the street, to speak out against hate, to dance to our own “thumpa thump”, witness television shows with a queer cast, and come together in the streets celebrating for an entire month!  This is the generation that opened the doors for us to even have a conversation about gay marriage, and this is the generation that deserves our help and our voices now.  On June 27th, 1969, this generation came together in protest, jumping from closets, taking to the streets, and mobilizing in ways this country had never seen before!  And what happened?  The country was forced to respond.  The Queer identity was forced onto the front pages and coffee tables of people’s worlds and people had to once and for all accept that we are human too!

Now, almost 40 years later we NEED to come together again.  We need to show this nation that we are ONE LOUD VOICE THAT DEMANDS TO BE HEARD! We need to be one organized unit.  Our gay pride shouldn’t be something we celebrate one month out of the year.  Our gratitude towards the ones who came before us shouldn’t be ignored and wasted away with one party after another.  We beg to be given a right that requires responsibility and commitment, yet we, as one strong community, have not proven to this nation that we deserve to be taken seriously!  The gay pride parade has become a great party, but it has lost the memory of Stonewall and therefor given the nation another reason to cast us aside as irresponsible.  It’s time we come together for debate, for public recognition, and for LOVE!  Let’s move as one full unit, on the same day, at the same hour, and let’s show the United States of America that we too are UNITED CITIZENS EQAUL IN MIND, BODY, SPIRIT AND DESERVING OF FULL EQUALITY UNDER THE LAW!

On the steps of your City Hall on November 15th at 10:30am PST / 1:30pm EST, our community WILL take to the streets and speak out against Proposition 8 and all of the other pro-equality losses that we have faced in our lifetimes, in our parents’ lifetimes, and for many generations before us.  WE CAN’T DO THIS ALONE! WE NEED YOUR HELP!  We need organizers in every major city to work with us and get out the protest!  I know you’re all tired from all of the work you’ve done for this great election year, but I’m asking for one more push!  Let the country hear our voices together.  Let them see that we are a strong, adamant, and powerful community that deserves equal rights, and CAN’T BE DEFEATED!

Send this post to everyone!  We have one week and must react to the pro-hate votes cast against us!  Let’s help our LGBTQ friends, families, neighbors, and each other to IMPACT this country with a demand for our basic human rights!  Join the cause, join the voice, and JOIN THE IMPACT!

I had a lot of hope in California.  Quite simply, I really can’t understand how anyone could vote to take away rights from a group of people *after they had already been recognized.*  As far as I know, this is the first time in the history of our country that that has happened and, on top of everything else, it sets a dangerous precedent for the rights of all minority groups.  Whose rights will be taken away next?

It seems to me that leaving decisions related to civil rights for minority groups up to the whim of a majority of voters creates an inherently unequal system where the rights of the minority group are at increased risk (this is what de Toqueville referred to as the tyranny of the majority.)  Especially when it comes to civil rights for minority groups, there are times when decisions should be made by a legislature that is prepared to make potentially unpopular yet just decisions.  That did not happen in this case.

The various queer community groups are amazing in their efforts to bring us together.  And it seems to be working.  Folks are organizing again and fighting back.  And Melissa Etheridge wrote a beautiful post about her reaction and her subsequent decision not to pay her taxes: “You Can Forget My Taxes.”  Here’s a snippet of her post:

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

I do believe that every setback has a silver lining, and in this case it seems it has helped bring our community closer together.  I’ve talked with several other Seattle folks who were sure prop 8 would fail and who now regret not putting more time, energy, or money into it.  Although I did give money myself, I also meant to talk to my family about donating, but with school and everything, I didn’t get around to it.  Now, though, folks are feeling the urge to get more involved.  It would be so wonderful if out of this horrible mess of crap there grew an even more vibrant, powerful, and prideful queer movement.

The timing was *tricky* this time around.  For the past few months, when I wasn’t trying, my cycle was pretty long.  Last month it was 34 days.  So this month, when I called to order my spermies, I figured having them delivered on cd 15 would be fine.  The challenge is that the vials can only be delivered Tuesday - Saturday.  So that meant having them delivered on cd 12 (Saturday) - and paying exorbitant extra fees for a Saturday delivery and possibly having to get the tank refilled if I didn’t ovulate until cd 18 - or having them delivered on cd 15 (Tuesday.)  I went with cd 15.  Well, here is where things get challenging.

Monday afternoon (cd 14), I decide I should start using my OPKs in the evenings (I use a fertility monitor every morning).  To my *immense* surprise, the OPK read positive that afternoon.  That is when my mildly OCD self begins to mildly *freak* *out.*  The tank was supposed to arrive on Tuesday, but it would probably come while I was at school, I thought.  Which would mean that I’d have to wait to get it until 6pm on Tuesday, which would be a full 24 hours after the positive OPK.  Not. good.

I was hoping the Fedex guy would show up before I left for school yesterday, but that didn’t happen.  So I left a very sweet note for him (I know it’s a him, it’s always the same guy), asking if he could possibly return to deliver it after I was home from school and that I would be forever grateful.  I also offered to meet him wherever he was at that time.  Well, sweet Fedex guy just happened to have a pickup Tuesday afternoon in my neighborhood and returned to deliver my spermies to me!  I was *soo* relieved.

I had an appointment Tuesday afternoon as well, though.  I went ahead and did an insem before the appointment, even though I couldn’t lay in bed for the two hours they recommend.  It was better than nothing!  I then did the second insem yesterday evening, while watching all the exciting (and woefully disappointing, in the case of prop 8, etc.) election coverage.  So I wasn’t out celebrating Obama’s victory with the rest of Seattle, but if I get preggers this time, my kid may well end up with the middle name Barack.

Well, after several phone calls back and forth, they *found* them.  Don’t ask me where they went, but they did turn up.  It turns out they had also tried to slip me those 2-for-1 vials without telling me (you know, the ones where the motility isn’t good enough and they try to make it up to you by giving you extra vials).  So, I told them I didn’t want them and thankfully they were more than happy to exchange them for regular vials.

This is actually the second time they messed up my order.  That doesn’t bode well for the future.  But there are many great things about them - they’re lesbian-owned, they happily ship directly to my house instead of to a doctor’s office, they have *lots* of open donors, and I love the donor I’ve chosen.  So for now I’ll stick with them, and cross my fingers for future cycles.

We did find great pumpkins, though, and as we were leaving, saw these two hot air balloons landing in a field nearby.  I don’t know what it is about hot air balloons, but seeing them always makes me feel like I’m eight years old and in complete awe of them.

A little update on school, too.  Well, things have continued the way they were, but I have found more allies among the other students and a couple of professors.  Apparently previous cohorts have also felt there was a lack of inclusion of queer issues and the faculty’s response was, “well, we gave you those two articles to read!”  So my friend B and I met once with a prof I really like and gave her a lot of resources.  If the faculty as a whole still aren’t open to being more inclusive (and also getting some education! - they have said some pretty offensive things, y’all), then B and I are going to start a club to educate folks in the cohort.  So, I’m feeling more hopeful since we now have a plan to address it.

In my MSW program, we had such a great cohort.  I have always loved and appreciated them, but now moreso than ever.  A couple of the people even created buttons that said “I *heart* my cohort,” which most of the folks wore or put on their bags.  There was a strong community feel and - big surprise given the profession - *lots* of queers.

My friend Erin suggested focusing on other things that I have in common with people, which I’ve been making an effort to do.  I’ve also been listening to a lot of good ol’ lesbo music on my trips home.  That has helped, too.  As has keeping focused on why I’m doing this.  As my friend Danielle said, “All the more important, then, that you have chosen to be a teacher. KIDS NEED YOU!!!”  I love my friends, they are such great sources of support.

Happy birthday, sweet girl.